Public Service Announcement: Frozen Vaginas

Alright people women you need to listen to those snappy "One Less" commercials least you have to have your vagina frozen too.

I'm serious.  Frozen.  Like those Tyson chicken breasts except you know-YOUR VAGINA.

I haven't actually had the procedure done yet but I'm imagining something akin to my gynecologist playing that game Operation but you know-inside MY VAGINA and with a wand that freezes stuff.  Stuff that shouldn't be frozen.  God I hope she has a steady hand.

I'm also not really sure what happens once it's frozen.  Do I just stand up, jiggle around, and the abnormal possibly cancerous cells just fall right out?  Could I possibly just do this at home with some ice?  Because that would be much more cost effective.

And the fact they they pour vinegar in there to make the abnormal possibly cancerous cells react and turn some funny color also sounds a bit weird.  Like are we still in the Dark Ages?  Seriously vinegar?  Vinegar in MY VAGINA.  With all the KY they'll use to oil me up I'll have a salad between my legs.  Maybe I can even request Balsamic.  And is it going to smell?  Will my co-workers days later get a whiff of dressing as I walk by?

At any moment I feel like my doctor is going to break out the leeches and blood letting to help with the abnormal possibly cancerous cells. 

If all of this sounds really unpleasant I beg of you to get regular pap smears and have the Gardasil shots.  All better than spending agonizing weeks wondering how exactly a vagina is frozen.  And don't even get me start about having to worry about THE CANCER that could possibly you know be IN MY VAGINA.

-The Paper Doll says don't say I didn't warn you

Comments

[antiplath]

huh. Frozen? Really? Whenever I had the biopsy/surgery for the same thing (squaaaaamous cells), they shot my cervix up full of novocaine (OUCH), then put a patch on my thigh to GROUND me because they were basically going to cauterize my cervix with electricity and I needed a ground. Other fun things: they only gave me ALEVE for the pain and the novocaine wore off mid-procedure. Was awesome. However this was over ten years ago, so I guess they freeze now instead of electrocuting with a friggin welder's wand. That said, after all that awfulness, they (the bad cells) never came back.