the paper doll

Grace in Small Things: 11 of 365

1. realizing exactly what you're meant to be
2. getting my taxes done and mailed off
3. FRIDAY!
4. cooking a good meal for the people i love
5. sunshine

If I were a superhero, I would certainly wear tights

Pink knee high boots, a cape, and wrist cuffs. Flying's a must as well as invisibility and the ability to pass through walls. I'd also have a banging hair do and a wicked sense of humor. Oh and lasers. I'd be able to shoot lasers from my wrists cuffs. Wonder woman meets Studio 54.

How I'd spend $1,000

anthropologie.com and with the dollar I'd have left over I'd buy a Totino's pizza and enjoy the spoils of my winnings.

Grace in Small Things: 10 of 365

1. hitting double digits in my list
2. the new website plinky
3. therapy this afternoon
4. writing a letter to the grad program
5. my new metal water bottle

I recommend checking out Hamish the Highland Cow when you're in Scotland

Grace in Small Things: 9 of 365

1. getting back on schedule
2. fresh flowers from the musician
3. a weekend at the farm
4. caramel ice cream topping
5. the end of the day

Rules to Live By

1. be the paper doll

This means really accepting my likes and especially my dislikes.  I'm the kind of person who likes staying in on Friday nights reading there's nothing wrong with this because I'm just being me.  I need to learn how to deal with that.  It's ok to go against the flow if I'm being me.

2. let guilt go

Oh how I let this emotion rule my life.  I feel guilty for everything.  From coming into work five minutes late to not taking the trash out on time I feel guilty, guilty, guilty.  Time to let it go.  Time to trust the decisions I make and not feel guilty about them.

3. do what makes my heart happy

Simple when making decisions just do what makes my heart happy.

4. find friends

I tend to be somewhat of a hermit.  And I rely way too much on my boyfriend.  I'm also super hard on girls and don't keep enough of them around.  I need to find friends and stay connected to those few I do have.

5. say yes

Again with the hermit thing, I end up talking myself out of things for silly reasons.  I need to say yes more and take more chances.  From going out on a school night to taking that swing class I've always wanted to I need to say yes and not worry about it.

6. take care of things

I can be a procrastinator but I feel so much better when things get taken care of.  I need to accomplish my tasks in a reasonable amount of time and quit putting things off.  Just take care of them already!

-The Paper Doll is working on her own Happiness Project

Wordle

Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night

Dear Internet,

I saw two birds today.  Two birds together against an other wise clear blue sky. 

Since my mother's death birds have been very auspicious for me.

They were there chirping away the day she died.  The only noise on an otherwise cold silent morning.  A hawk guided me out of the cemetery once.  And there have been other countless bird occasions.  They seem to always be near when I'm thinking of her.

Today is her birthday.  55th.

And when I smiled and looked to the sky thinking of her there they were.  Two birds flying together and nothing else, not even a cloud.

Maybe it's just a coincidence.  Maybe I think to much of it. 

But I like these small moments.  And I'm glad they're with birds.  Sure would suck if she had picked snakes.

-The Paper Doll is very happy today

Grace in Small Things: 8 of 365

1. the musician unexpectedly in my house washing dishes (that's true love)
2. everything working out for the best
3. time with family
4. days off from work
5. prime time tv

Grace in Small Things: 7 of 365

1. a well cooked meal
2. good music
3. all the great opportunities i've had
4. a warm home
5. money to pay my bills

Grace in Small Things: 6 of 365

1. having unexpected leftovers in the work fridge (free lunch)
2. carroll
3. spanx
4. celexa
5. my daily email friend

My Cup Runneth Over

Dear Internet,

They just don't make formal dresses for girls with boobs.  Girls with lots and lots of boobs.

I'm going to the Inaugural Ball my state throws for the president.  A ball he'll be at along with lots of other "important" people.  I can not meet the president with my breasts pushed up to my chin.  There shall be no cleavage.  Not even a hint of cleavage.  This is a president ball people, not the cover of Maxim.

However, dress makers have seemed to forget that some people don't want to look like sluts.  Some people would like to look dignified and have their breasts in their dress covered up where they belong.

Seriously, Internet my choices were tiny triangle of a cup or matronly two piece sequin jacket with matching taffeta skirt.  Ick.

At one point The Musician had to come into the fitting room and help me zip up.  I pushed my boobs down and he yanked the zipper up.  The result was my boobs popped up and smothered me and I fell over and died in the dressing room.  This happened every time I tried on a dress in my size.

The effect when I tried on a dress that fit my boobs?  I looked like I was wearing my granny's muumuu. 

The ball is less than a week away and I still don't have anything to squeeze my big breasts into.  Short of any good ideas I'm using duct tape. 

-The Paper Doll is very voluptuous, apparently

Grace in Small Things: 5 of 365

1. therapy
2. therapy
3. therapy
4. therapy
5. midol

*it's been a rough couple of days

Grace in Small Things: 4 of 365

1. a work related announcement that makes my life so much easier
2. having a part replaced on my car for free
3. being able to listen to my ipod in my car now
4. green bean salad and perfectly cooked salmon
5. making myself work out when I really didn't care to

Grace in Small Things: 3 of 365

1. karaoke on a week night with friends
2. having my cigarette lighter replaced so I can FINALLY listen to my ipod in my car
3. pilates with stella
4. not being hungover from karaoke on a week night with friends
5. thursdays the week is almost over

Grace in Small Things: 2 of 365

1. waking up on time and not having to rush to work
2. leftovers
3. when your boyfriend does the unexpected
4. itch cream
5. rent money

Madder than a one legged woman at the Ihop

Dear Internet,

Why are boys so stupid?

I know you shouldn't write in the heat of the moment but I'm so spittin mad (as my Nana would say) that I can't keep my fingers from the keys.  It's either post or open my office window and scream.

Seriously.

So last nite I came home from the gym to find The Musician putting up dishes.  He wanted to clean the kitchen and grill out ( I live in the South it's 70 degrees here). 

I begin by asking him where he wants this new dish contraption he got for Christmas to live.  It's huge.  Has a bowl in the middle for dip.  Trays around the edge to hold things to dip.  Plates.  Skewers.  And it was taking up most of the drying rack.

I thought this was a normal question since most of the dishes that needed to be put up were his and we were at my house.  Does is go to his house?  Under my cabinets?  In the laundry storage room? 

Little did I knowthou shalt not question his authority but do as he says, yes masser.

There was some yelling and stomping around.

Maybe even a WTF? under my breath.

I mean good lord I just asked the boy about HIS dish that were at MY house taking up the counter space HE wanted to use to make HIS burgers.

A simple put them over here would have sufficed instead of the blahbityblahbitygotohell response I was given.

Of course we spent the rest of the nite not talking.  He even one uppedme by not coming to bed until I was asleep.  Definite points for being the asshole that wakes the other person up.  But I retaliated by fluffing my pillow and huffing a lot. 

I figured this morning he'd tell me goodbye and how pretty I looked like he does every morning but nothing.  He didn't even roll over to my side of the bed like he normally does when I get up.

Obviously he wanted to fight so I wasn't about to give in.  He's the one that started the crazy and in my book when you start the crazy it's your job to end it.  Preferably, shortly after you started it.

So I wait for his routine on the way to work call.  Nada.

A mid-morning break.  No.

Perhaps a it's slow lunch time call.  Nope.

Nothing.

Instead I get a text message this afternoon that says, he's going to happy hour with his bff.

HAPPY HOUR WITH HIS BFF INTERNET.

The man starts crazy with me and doesn't talk to me all nite and day and the first thing he says to me is I'M GOING TO HAPPY HOUR!?!?!?!?

OH HELL NO!

I was ready to say oh it's ok when he called me but now-nada, no, nope.

The gloves are off!  And I'm fighting against every stupid thing boys nationwide have ever said and I'm going to happy hour ranks at the top of the list!

-The Paper Doll says you'll never win!

Grace in Small Things: 1 of 365

1. my itunes play list
2. a healthy breakfast
3. the gym
4. dinner with a wise old friend
5. allegra

check out grace in small things

To Everything There's a Season

Dear Internet,

It's Monday.  Regular back to routine Monday.  Things aren't all that different yet.

I got a new haircut, joined a gym, locked myself in my room and wrote about all the things I want to forget or "leave in 2008."  I even went so far as to write, "what I want to manifest in 2009."

I don't really believe in resolving.  Flaws are good.  Resolutions are for when you get arrested or knocked up.  When things in your life really need to change.  When it's life or death.

Right now it's just complacency and a mild dissatisfaction.

The Musician and I have been talking about marriage.  He brought it up.  It's what I've wanted for the past two years but now that it's here sometimes I look at him and wonder.  I say to myself this is all there is FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

I look in the mirror and picture a white dress and shake my head.  I'd look like a circus tent if I had to wear that right now.

And I haven't built the circle of friends I want, and where would A live, who would we invite, and on the invitation whose names would request the honor of your presence at our wedding?

Sigh.

I like back to the grind Monday because it means I don't really have to think about any of those things.

I can pretend nothing's changed it's just the same ole year.

-The Paper Doll feels like 2009 is going to be all about change