the paper doll

Living Room Mock Up

Grace in Small Things: 22 of 365

1. doing what's right in the moment and not worrying
2. getting all the furniture moved
3. having a grand plan for my space nailed down
4. ikea trip sunday!!!!
5. time to myself tonite

Dining Room Chairs Idea Board

Off the Deep End

 

Hey Internet,

You like my mad photoshop skillz don't you?  Yeah ok I suck.  But hey you have to give me some credit as the original photo had a dinning room table and chairs right smack where that beautiful cut, pasted, and cloned chaise lounge sits (it's the one from my bedroom before that's now in my living room but not for long!).

There's a small bookcase that resides with the chaise lounge that will get a coat of paint.  That china hutch will become art supply storage and the knobs will get switched out.  Long curtains that pool on the floor will be made from Anna Maria Horner's Good Folks Sun fabric and a new toss pillow will be bought.

The rug is just dreaming as it's from Anthropologie and costs a small fortune.  I'm thinking I can get a cheap one and paint a repeating design on it similar to this one.

The walls you can't see will house a desk, some wall shelves, and maybe a new bookcase from Ikea.

I would make a mock of all that except I don't want to make you jealous of my skillz have a photo to use.

As you can see I've gone a bit crazy.  Who spends their afternoon doing such things?

Gah.

-The Paper Doll wants you to forgive her

Grand Plan

Good Lord Internet all I can think about is getting my house in order.  I'm not even pregnant and nesting consumes all my free time.

In order to get some of my brain back I need to tell you what I have planned.  I'll probably even post some pictures and do some photoshop mock ups because I have gone that crazy.

So, if I had all the money in the world I'd completely redo my kitchen.  I'd knock down the walls between the studio and the kitchen and move the cabinets and sink and such over to what is now the studio.  Then the free kitchen space would become the dinning room.  And the dinning room would become a little reading nook office space because the studio would move to the great building I have in my backyard.  This makes no sense to you does it Internet?  You have no idea how my house is laid out so you really can't picture this can you?  I'll get you a picture so you can see how genius my idea is.

Of course I don't have all the money in the world so I'm going to do a version of this until I win the lottery and can afford to tear things up and rebuild.  For now I'm going to move the dinning room to the studio and make the dinning room a little reading nook office space studio.

Part of the impetus for this was the lunch party I had on Sunday.  My current dinning room is just too freaking small.  It barely has room for a four top round table and my family is way bigger than four.  And part of my 100 things is to host a holiday at my house and I need a bigger space for that.  Plus I want a big table I can spread all my grad stuff out on to study and a quiet little nook I can read in.

This means I'll need new curtains and to paint some furniture because I can't just move the stuff that would be way too easy of course. 

The first step is to clean the studio because it currently looks like this...

 

And yes I know that's a question mark up there in the photo.  The font had no apostrophe and I wanted to knowledge punctuation went there thank you very much.  So, let's all pretend ummkay?

PS-I also realize these are crappy pictures and I must speak to The Musician about this ASAP.

Kitchen Curtains Mock Up

Here's a rough photoshop mock up of what I'm going to use that fabric I ordered yesterday for....

PS-The Musician took this photo and lots more of the house this weekend and they all turned out sort of blurry.  Not sure what's up with that.  Eventually, I want to replace those horrible cabinets and countertops as well as finish the hardwood floors.  There was awful linoleum that I ripped up.  Now I just need to sand and stain them to match the rest of the house.  But that's a project I can't quite muster up the courage to undertake. 

Grace in Small Things: 21 of 365

1. a successful lunch on sunday
2. the musician having this saturday nite off
3. a great new book from the ex-parisian redhead to read in my hammock
4. allergy shots
5. this fabric i just bought for my kitchen windows

 

I Don't Think It's Supposed to Taste Like That

 

Hey Y'all,

That's what my dinning room table looked like on Sunday.  I had The Musician's parents over for lunch to celebrate his mom's birthday.  And yes that's a special plate that says Happy Birthday used just for birthday occasions.  I'm sorry but I had no choice but to inherit the Martha Stewart gene.  It's a sickness most southern women suffer from.

Anyhoo, I did a little investigative work and discovered his mom's favorite dessert is some hot fudge cake she gets at Rush's.  So I whipped out my cookbooks in search of some approximation.  Betty Crocker came through for me with her Hot Fudge Sundae Cake recipe.

Now do y'all know the difference between canola oil and vegetable oil?  Because before 11pm on Saturday night I didn't.

I was so proud of myself for finding something similar to her favorite dessert and for having all the ingredients on hand in my new pantry that I couldn't wait to get started baking.  I just knew after she tasted this dessert she would adopt me as her second daughter.  And of course it'd get me in as the favorite in-law.  Maybe she'd even be so impressed she'd call The Musician and force him to ask for my hand in marriage.  This cake was the key to my future, everything hinged on it turning out well.

After 10 minutes of dreaming about my wedding dress I got everything mixed up and it came time to add the oil.  Turns out the bottle I had in my new pantry was canola oil NOT vegetable oil.  It being late Saturday nite I figured what the hey oil is oil is oil, right Internet?

Yeah, not so much it turns out.

After mixing everything up I settled in to lick the spoon and ICK.  It was the worst tasting batter I'd ever eaten.  Someone had put burnt popcorn in my chocolate.  Surly this was not how her favorite dessert was supposed to taste.  And if I was I wasn't sure I could have a mother-in-law who thought this was tasty.  I mean gag me with a wooden spoon this stuff tasted horrible.

I decided to bake it anyway and let The Musician be the judge when he got home.  Maybe my taste buds were just tired, or burned off, or crazy.  However, his reaction was even worse than mine.   The poor boy couldn't even swallow it and made a mad dash to the trashcan to spit it out.  Clearly, Betty did not mean for her Hot Fudge Sundae Cake to illicit such a response.

So at around 12am I made a run to our 24 hour grocery store to buy VEGETABLE oil.  And now I have a whole cake in my fridge that I don't know what to do with.  The dog can't eat it because it's chocolate and we can't eat it because it's gross. 

I'm thinking if I drown it in enough vanilla ice cream I might be able to choke it down.

But let this be a warning to you Internet.  When Betty Crocker says vegetable oil you better listen to her.

And better yet the whole ordeal begs the question-What the hell do you do with Canola oil and why do I have it in my pantry?

PS-The other cake I made a 1 o'clock in the morning turned out just fine.  She declared it tasted even better than the one she gets at Rush's.  So booya-I'm still the valedictorian of life.

Grace in Small Things: 20 of 365

1. IT'S FRIDAY!!! Whoooooo!
2. finishing my dresser
3. the perfect blue sky
4. hosting The Musician's parents for lunch Sunday
5. short work day

What I Want Now: Kitchen

Rules of Blogging?

So Internet,

As you can see I'm sprucing things up around here.  New design.  Addition of a picture.  Some photo album links.

Which leads me to a problem.  I have no idea what picture to use for my about me thing.  One that shows my face?  An arty one?  One where my face is sort of hidden?  A goofy one?  A pretty one?  I have no idea.  I've been experimenting with several but so far I don't know.  I know everyone loves a picture of the blogger (it's one of the first things I look for on a blog) but I'm wondering if it some how ruins things if you know what I look like.

Like if you've been reading me and you kind of have an idea of what I look like and then bam you click on here and there I am.  Is that jarring?  Disappointing?

I remember the first time I saw what Ira Glass looked like I was sort of sad I didn't have my own made up image anymore.  It was quite bittersweet. 

Thoughts?

Also, I have no idea what the proper etiquette for responding to comments is.  Do I leave a comment on my blog?  Do I comment on the other person's blog?  What about sending email?  How far into the virtual relationship do you email?

There are comments I want to respond to I just have no idea how so I'm posting my responses here.

From forever ago, Antiplath the butterfly migration is in Mexico.  Check this out.

Keely if you are still reading I'm so sorry.  Please email me if you ever want to talk.  It will get better I promise.  You'll always miss her but the ache will dull over time.  Please know I'm thinking about you.

Michelle, I love your site.  Thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. 

If you've commented and I never responded I'm sorry.  I do appreciate everyone who takes the time to respond.  It makes me feel really good when I see a new comment on my page.

Hopefully I'll get better about this.  I also need to start commenting on other people's pages more.  But alas.

Oh, and expect more photos in the future.  I really want to start using my camera more.  And now that I've revealed myself there may even be pictures of the Musician forthcoming.  Who knows?!?

And if there's anything you guys want to see let me know.

-The Paper Doll loves you all

Grace in Small Things: 19 of 365

1. getting unexpected change-a buck fifty
2. making changes to this site
3. having a coworker go pick up lunch for me
4. installing the finishing touch to the pantry
5. working out last nite

The Great Pantry Reveal of 2009

Dear Internet,

I never had food in my house.  Seriously.  Never. 

The only storage I had for what little food I did have was in the recesses of a dark lower cabinet.  One would have to sit on the floor or crouch on their knees only to discover there was nothing edible save for an old box of macaroni and cheese.

It did not make for good eating habits.  And it wasted gas as I found myself driving to the grocery store daily to pick up a handful of items most people would normally have laying around their pantries.

I'm not blaming this dank cabinet for my 50 pound weight gain but it did contribute to my ballooning. 

Now that the Musician has installed a beautiful pantry for me I've had quite the revelation.  I have a grocery store in my house.  That's right Internet.  A GROCERY STORE IN MY HOUSE!

When I come home I no longer have to make a grocery list and run out to the store.  I just walk over to my pantry select what I want and get dinner cooking.

IT'S AMAZING!!!  THERE'S FOOD AND I CAN SEE IT AND IT'S RIGHT IN MY HOUSE!!! 

I know this seems like a small thing.  Millions of people across the world have a pantry.  But really it's more than that.  Building this pantry is a tangent symbol of the changes I'm making within.  The cleaning, organizing, and paring down.

The handle I'm getting over my eating habits and how I think about food.  It's easier to make good choices when they're right there in front of me in the pantry. 

I no longer have an excuse to order take out.  Or pick up something unhealthy on one of my millions of trips to the grocery store.

I'm eliminating temptation Internet and it feels good.

Plus I'm streamlining my life for when I start grad school.  I need everything to be as easy and accessible as possible.  I need to know when I get home at 10:30 there's healthy food in the house to eat and that I won't have to get down on my knees with a flashlight to find it.

It's the best house project I've done to date because not only does it up my property value but it makes me feel good.

And without further ado here's the new, wonderful, life altering, waist whittling, pantry.... 

Ps-Can you find the vegetarian HAGIS?

Grace in Small Things: 18 of 365

1. time alone tonite
2. getting my house how i want it slowly but surely
3. opening my water bill and finding a coupon for a free spay
4. scheduling the appointment for stella's free surgery
5. stocking my new pantry

Grace in Small Things: 17 of 365

1. taking a day off
2. finishing the pantry! (pictures to come)
3. my car
4. starting my period
5. getting stuff done

New Couch?

So Internet,

Some of you are going to recoil in horror I realize that.  But I'm loving this line of furniture from Squint.  What I don't love is the price tag (and that's in pounds!).  So I'm wondering how hard it would be to do this myself.  I have an old couch that needs recovering.  I have lots of fabrics.  Can I do this?  Whataya think?

Grace in Small Things: 16 of 365

1. wearing an outfit that makes me feel good
2. getting the paper i ordered for the pantry
3. starting a book club next month
4. listening to my own body
5. yoga at my desk

Grace in Small Things: 15 of 365

1. the weather! 
2. my new hammock
3. going to yoga at my new gym (next step going back to my yoga studio)
4. organizing my house, getting rid of stuff, nesting
5. circus tickets

MC Hammock

So Internet,

I've done one of my 26 things. 

We put up a hammock in my backyard and it is a glorious thing.  Ever since it went into the ground and the cement set I've spent as much time in it as I can.  It's perfect for reading, napping, writing, making out, drinking wine...

It makes me happy and keeps me from stuffing my face out of boredom.

-The Paper Doll loves this time of year 

Studio Closet Before

Step One

Dear Internet,

So I tried that whole create versus consume and boy does it work.  I have this shelf in my kitchen.  A messy collect all drive me crazy shelf.  So last Thursday I drove myself to Lowe's, bought a spice rack that goes on the back of your cabinet door, and got rid of the messy collect all drive me crazy shelf.  Now all my spices are neatly tucked away where no one can see them.  And my left eye no longer twitches when I walk into the kitchen.

This led to me cleaning out my studio closet.  A watch out don't open that or else there will be a landslide of a mess closet.  My studio is right next to the kitchen and since the closet was more throw things in there and not deal with them rather than functional I had the brilliant idea of turning it into a pantry for my kitchen which doesn't have one.

It took me all evening to go through the crap.  Then I measured, made a sketch of what I had in mind, and took myself back to Lowe's.

I haven't hung the shelves I bought yet because I'm waiting for the wallpaper I ordered to arrive.  Because what's a pantry without fun wallpaper on the inside?

Fun Wallpaper...

During the whole process all I had to eat was a cup of yogurt.  I never got hungry.  Never opened the fridge.  Never picked at anything.  It simply wasn't an issue.

I filled my time with creating not stuffing my face.

Project for tonite: cleaning out the bathroom closet.  And trying out those space bags I bought for this purpose last year.

-The Paper Doll thinks this is the best diet ever

Spring Cleaning

Dear Internet,

I really like what Antiplath had to say on my previous post.  The idea of creating instead of consuming.  I fill my life with consumption.  Food.  Clothes.  Stuff for my house.  Music.  TV.  I'm literally eating myself through life.

I need to stop filling myself up with stuff. 

Recently I've had this overwhelming urge to shed.  I'm talking go through my house and get rid of everything that doesn't serve me.  Clean my plate-get rid of sugar and carbs and processed food.  Get a new haircut.  Exfoliate my skin.

I'm thinking of starting a month long ban on buying stuff.  I've started rereading Healthy Living from the Inside Out and picked up a book about emotional eating.  The Musician and I have a date to begin the Artist's Way.  I'd like to cut out TV.

I'm going to challenge myself to make things, do things.  Fill myself with ideas, books, creativity.  Not STUFF.

Getting control over my eating is just a small part of how I need to clean myself up. 

And I think if I begin creating instead of consuming the overeating will correct itself.

Thanks Antiplath.  I needed to hear that.

-The Paper Doll challenges you to do your own spring cleaning

The First of 12 Steps*

Dear Internet,

I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I blame my mother who when I was two would hand me a cookie when I cried.  If that didn't work she'd hand me another one.

Now I cry because none of my clothes fit and I'm not exaggerating about either.  Sunday I stood in front of my closet and sobbed.  Sobbed.  Gut wrenching.  Snot inducing tears Internet.

And then I realized it was time I got real with myself.  Not just the you're fat you need to do something that's on repeat in my brain.  But really do something.  Like admit to the whole Internet I need to lose 50 pounds.  That I, The Paper Doll weigh close to two hundred pounds.  TWO HUNDRED POUNDS.

I don't even know how this happened.  One day I was a size eight the next fourteens were tight.

I hate my body Internet.  HATE.  I look at myself and don't even recognize me.  My body is a foreign thing.  Too big.  Lumpy.  Scarred with stretch marks.  My face has ballooned out and if I hold my neck in a certain way I have a double chin.  I do not enjoy being me right now.  I am officially fat and that's such an ugly word.

I've always been voluptuous.  I have a natural hourglass figure and large breasts.  That I love.  But it's all covered up now.  Now all you see is a fat girl.  A fat girl who thinks she's thin.  Who wears too tight clothing and is self-conscious and insecure.  Ashamed of what she's let herself become.

AND I know.  I know.  I'm more than my body.  It's what's on the inside that counts.  I know all that Internet I do.  But when your clothes don't fit.  When the shape of you is covered in wobbly bits.  When you eat and you don't know why.  You're not even hungry.  When you call for take out for something to do.  It's not healthy.  It's not serving the insides.

AND I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I exercise.  Six days a week.  30mins on the elliptical everyday.  Then I alternate lifting weights.  Two days of upper body.  Two of lower.  Abs everyday.  And one day off weights.  So it's not that.  That I got down.

It's the eating.  The shoving things in my mouth.  The eating because it's there.  Because I want it.  Because I'm bored.  Because everyone else is.  Because I'll burn it off at the gym.  Because I feel empty.  Because I LOVE FOOD.  I love cooking.  I love eating.  I love grocery shopping.  I love everything there is about food. 

I just don't love the body it gives me.  And it consumes me.  Most of my day is spent thinking about what I'm going to eat.  When lunch is.  What I'll make for dinner. 

It's become obsessive.  And I know it could be worse.  It could be meth or crack or sex.  But an addiction is an addiction.

That's why I'm starting right here and admitting:

My name is The Paper Doll and I'm an Overeater.

(Hello The Paper Doll)

*May it be noted that I also have PMS and things usually get a little wonky with me around these times.  That's not to say I'm not unhappy with my body because I am.  It's just highly possible the dramatics may be due to the fact that you know I'm bloated, craving chocolate, and scheduled to begin bleeding from my who-ha in a week.  I'm just sayin.

Nesting

Dear Internet,

I went to a conference pertaining to my future career Saturday.  There were other grad students there and one girl I interviewed with.  The whole thing did nothing but smack me in face and say, "YOU ARE A GRAD STUDENT NOW WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Then I had a sudden urge to go home and organize my whole house.  I imagine this is what pregnant women are talking about when they use the term nesting.  When you know your life is about to become ridiculously chaotic and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it but make sure your kitchen cabinets are tidy.

It's all I can think about today Internet.  How will I ever manage to get through grad school with an unkempt laundry room?  HOW?

Furthermore, how can I possibly pay for grad school when there are all these other things that I must pay for and get done before even considering school.  Like a new roof, and remodeling my kitchen.  Clearly I must do those things before registering for classes!

Of course I made a list:

Finish my bedroom-fix my headboard, hang pictures, get curtains, pillows, and enlarge my closet

LAUNDRY ROOM!!!!!-clean out, paint, organize, move door, and install new windows

Clean out hall closet

That shelf in the kitchen-DO SOMETHING

CLOSET IN STUDIO!!!!!

So if I don't kill myself with this to do list.  There will always be studying come June!

-The Paper Doll is silly