the paper doll

Hey Over Here

I should probably tell you about this...

My New Site

It's really just for me.  But if you are at all interested in reading along as I try to lose 50 pounds feel free to click.

Also, can the address be more annoying? 

The Last Hold Out is Giving In

See Internet,

It's happening again.  I started grad school and bam no more posting here.  Even though I have so much I need to tell you.  Like how I redid my living room with the help of Jamie and it looks awesome.  How I cut all my hair off.  How the BFF is back.  Millions of things. 

But mush.  That's what I have between my ears.  My sentences are no longer interesting.  I'm leaving out punctuation and forgetting the rules of style.

I'm ignoring you Internet and I don't like it.

So, I've decided that I'm bringing you home.  Yep, that's right.  I, the Paper Doll, am getting you installed in my house on Saturday.

Hopefully this will make us closer.

XO,

The Paper Doll

The Writing Diet

Ok Internet,

I have a plan.  After sleeping on it, I've decided to do the Julia Cameron book.  I don't really want to, I'd much rather do the Extreme Self Care one.  But my resistance is precisely why I need to write myself thin. 

Over the past two and a half years I've packed on an extra (let's be brutally honest here) 50 pounds.  While the weight is a problem it's my relationship with food and exercise that needs to be remedied.  I also need to uncover why exactly I've stuffed myself so full I've started spilling out of my clothes.

If I never confront the why then I'll never be successful at losing the weight no matter what diet I try.  So Julia Cameron it is.

And my commitment to you that I will complete the book, all assignments, and keep a record of it here.  Or maybe somewhere else.  I haven't decided.

Now aren't you just thrilled Internet?

XO,

The Paper Doll

The Contenders

So Internet,

Did you know people have done all kinds of projects and written about them?  Like the couple who decided they'd have sex everyday.  Sex everyday, Internet.  And they wrote a book about it!

I don't think I'll be tackling that but I do have some ideas:

1. Complete all the projects in Seams to Me.

I've always wanted to learn how to sew more than a straight line and I love Anna Maria Horner's fabrics.  The only problem sewing makes me cuss a lot.  And sometimes it's more like a chore.  But I think if I knew how to do it better it wouldn't give me such a headache.  Such a catch 22. 

2.Read and follow Julia Cameron's advice in The Writing Diet.

Umm I have a weight problem.  I have a thinking about food problem.  I have a lack of exercise problem.  I just have problems.  This is kinda like a diet but more artsy.  And I do adore Ms. Cameron.  But can writing really change my fat ass?

3. Do all the projects in 52 Projects.

I think this could be really cool.  But it feels kinda like a cop out.  Like it may be too easy.  I mean what exactly is it challenging me to do?  I also feel like there's a possibility it might involve glitter and glue sticks.   

4. Follow The Art of Extreme Self Care guidelines.

I'm mainly interested in this one because my grad program really stresses the importance of self-care for counselors considering our job is to listen to people's crap all day (and I say that in the most loving way).  I think this would fit in nicely with my school but it feels a little like cheating too since it's month by month.

So whataya think Internet?  What would you like to hear me bitch about?

My Julie/Julia Project

Oh Internet,

Have you seen Julie & Julia?  It's is the sweetest most inspirational movie ever.  I say go this instant right now to see it if you haven't.  It will change your life.  Not only did it make me want to cook but oh it made me want to do something.  To set a goal and do something every day.  I think we all need that.  A raison d'etre if you will.

But I'm struggling with what mine will be.  I do love to cook and I found myself identifying with Julie.  Especially when she has breakdowns over botched recipes.  The Musician even punched me during one scene and whispered that's so you.  Touche.

But the cook everything has already been done.

So,what should my 365 day challenge be?  Complete all the house projects?  Lose weight?  Master all the yoga poses?  Complete some number of things from my life list?  What Internet? 

Oh but it must be something.  Something I can dive into and immerse myself in.  Because the idea of having something to ground myself in is so delicious to me.

Any ideas?

XO,

The Paper Doll

Car Talk

Dear Internet and people at Tire Kingdom,

Can you please tell me why the service guy found it necessary to not only adjust my seat position, but my seat back, my lumbar support,  AND my steering wheel height?  I mean really.  The man only had to drive it about 20 feet.  Was all that necessary?  Ok the seat position I'll give you.  I'm short other people have long legs.  But the rest.  No.  DO NOT TOUCH.

Also, I'm thinking it's not really a good idea to roll all the windows down and park it on the other side of the building near the dumpster.  I have CDs and a yoga mat in there.  And from what I understand my Mazda 3 does not come equipped with a force field so you know roll the windows up when you lock the car.  Otherwise, why lock it at all?  In fact, next time why don't you just roll the windows down, leave the door unlocked, and put a big sign on it that says steal me please.  Because really leaving the windows down?!?  I know it's hot and maybe you were just trying to look out for me, but that's why God invented air conditioning. 

And could you please change my little oil change sticker next time.  I asked for an oil change.  I paid for an oil change.  And the little sticker on the inside of my car says I'm still in need of that oil change.  How do I know my oil got changed if the little sticker didn't get changed?  How do I know, Internet?

Furthermore, how do I know Tire Kingdom did anything at all Internet?

I mean the whole seat adjustment, the lack of sticker change, the windows rolled down-they all point to a joy ride if you ask me.

-The Paper Doll sometimes wishes she could be a man for a day when dealing with crap like car stuff

I'm Going to be a Counselor when I Grow Up

Dear Internet,

It's hard to transition from research paper to blog post.  No APA format (yeah what the hell is that I know-American Psychological Association has it's own special format-wtf?), no citations, no 20 pages to bullshit.  Freedom, it's a scary thing.

Seriously, in the last two months I've had to write a total of 51 APA research pages.  Can I just forget grammar for awhile Internet?  How about spelling?  Because my brain is fried.

So, because it's been awhile and I can't remember how much I've told you-I'm getting my Ed.S degree.  It's higher than a masters but not quite a doctorate.  And it means I'll be qualified to take the LPC (licensed professional counselor) exam when I graduate.  And don't ask me what the difference between a counselor, a therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or whatever else you wanna call it is because really the answer is nothing but a piece of paper.  We all kind of do the same thing and the differences are very minute.  Also, no I will not be able to prescribe you drugs.  But I will have friends that can.

You wanna talk?  You have insurance or can afford my fee?  Then come on in.  Let's do some yoga, paint, talk about it, and work out some solutions.

It's funny when I think about my journey to this place.  Now looking back, I can see how everything in my life happened to get me to this place.  The things I struggled with as a kid, some of the friends I've made, my very nature, my mom's death.  All of it has made this path for me. 

It's kind of crazy.  And comforting.  Because for the first time in my life I feel like I've found my place.  It's what I should be doing Internet.  And it feels great.

Mainly because I can be me.  All of me.  Every single little part of me can flourish as a Counselor.  I get to be creative and non conformist.  I get to use yoga and art.  But I also get to have a steady job and benefits and health insurance.

The two side of myself that are often at odds are perfectly happy with being a Counselor and that's an awesome feeling.  One I hope everyone gets to experience.

So, that's where I am right now Internet.  Stupidly.  Mind numbingly happy.  And very very tired.

-The Paper Doll wants to give you some of what she's got!

I'm Baaaaaack

So Dear Three Readers that Probably Aren't Reading Anymore Because it's been Ages Since I Last Posted,

I am sorry.  Really.  I had no idea anyone would even care if this thing went dormant for a couple of months.  I should have explained I didn't mean to get you all upset.

See what had happened was-I started grad school.  Lovely.  Wonderful.  Summer school grad school.

It has been hectic to say the least but without a doubt it's what I should be doing and I've loved every heart attack inducing moment.  I've learned so much this summer and don't know what to do with myself now that I have the tinniest break between summer school and fall semester.

I'm going to try to be better about posting here because I think my brain needs the outlet and if I ever need to go away in the future I promise I'll put up a nice little be back soon message.

Otherwise, it's back to your regularly scheduled navel gazing and posting of pictures of my house (which has been update since I've been gone).

I love you guys dearly and have missed you.

XO,

The Paper Doll