Writing Myself Thin

Do Over

So Internet,

I need a do over.  For various reasons I haven't really committed to this plan.  BUT I have learned some stuff as I half-assed eked through this month.

First, I am so an emotional eater.  The Musician and I had a very difficult conversation in the car and as soon as I let myself in the house I made a mad dash for the kitchen.  I proceeded to cram a muffin in my mouth.  I wasn't hungry.  I didn't really want it.  But I just stood there stuffing this lemon poppy seed muffin in my mouth.  The good news?  After I ate it I had this moment where I completely understood-emotional eating.  First step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.  Right?

Second, it's virtually impossible to do this plan when your house is dirty.  For instance, when my bedside table is piled high with crap I find it very easy to let my Morning Pages slide.  I say to myself, see there's all that stuff I don't have anywhere to sit.  Blah blah excuses blah blah.

And the kitchen oh how the kitchen and fridge dictate how I eat.  If the kitchen is a wreck then I order out.  If the fridge is occupied by old moldy food, I order out.

Lessons learned this month-keep crap tidy and breathe instead of stuffing my face when I get upset.

Next month?  Actually writing my Morning Pages and doing better about keeping a journal.

Update: Week 1

So, epic fail this past week.  Seriously.  I managed to eek out morning pages only twice.  I went to yoga once.  I never got to the gym and my eating was totally out of control.

Problem number one was my schedule got messed up and it totally threw me off.  Not a good idea to start a diet when you're going to be on vacation. 

And I learned that when I have healthy food I eat healthy food.  If I don't have the fridge stocked or don't pack my lunch my eating is less than stellar.

Lessons from this week: get a schedule.  stick to a schedule.  plan.  buy good food.  pack said food.  eat said food.

Here's to hoping this week will be better.

XO,

The (still fat) Paper Doll

D-Day

Well Internet,

Today is the day.  Let's git'er done!

So far, I didn't do my morning pages because I woke up late.  I'm already stalling about going to workout and I haven't even told you all the basic tools yet.  It's a real bang I've started with Internet.

BUT I did write in my journal at lunchtime though.  AND I thought about what I wanted to eat.  So take that back fat.

OH OH OH I went to yoga for the first time in months Sunday and I still can't sit properly.

It might not be a perfect start but it is a start!

XO,

The Paper Doll

Fourth Tool: The Four Questions

So this one is pretty cut and dried Internet.  All I gotta do is ask myself these four questions:

Am I hungry?  Is this what I feel like eating?  Is this what I feel like eating right now?  Is there something else that I can eat instead?

Simple, right?

I'm having them tattooed to the inside of my forearm because Jesus do I have the hardest time remembering these four tiny little questions.

Dude

Oh Internet,

The world is a mighty funny place.  I love it.

So yesterday in class, my professor taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I would like to co-present with her at a conference this winter.  Did you hear that?  CO-PRESENT with her at A CONFERENCE.  I of course swallowed my tongue, bugged my eyes out, and could only nod un-huh.

This is funny because the 3 hour lecture she's we're giving is all about yoga and counseling. 

YOGA, Internet!  Wellness.  Body care. 

Don't you think that's funny?  Just as I begin this quest to get my body in shape my professor asks me to present on that very topic.

Here's the deal.  Now I HAVE to do what Ms. Julia Cameron says because I will be standing in front of lots of people talking about yoga and wellness and how they relate to counseling.  This also helps me set a very definite goal.

By February the 4th I must have shaved some pounds off and gained my decent yoga practice back.

This I can do.  Having a concrete task to accomplish really helps motivate me to get back on track.  Plus having a specific date really helps. 

I'm shooting for 25 pounds lighter and the ability to spring right into a back-bend.

I've basically got 5 months to do this.  I can fit in three yoga classes per week and three days at the gym.  I'm going to take it week by week checking off the classes I go.

My reward will be a sweet pair of yoga pants and a cute top to wear when I present. 

This weekend I'm going to Target to stock up on stretchy pants and tees.  Also, maybe some aspercream.

Third Tool: Walking

Uggh.  I don't care how Julia Cameron says this, walking is exercising.  It's not some metaphysical transcendental experience.  Call it whatever you want but it's exercise.  Period the end.

She wants me to exercise.  EXERCISE.  EVERYDAY.

EVERYDAY INTERNET!

Do you know what that means?  I have to put on stretchy pants, a sports bra, and move my body for twenty minutes.

Yuck.

I hate exercise I do.  I know the benefits.  The endorphins.  The self-confidence.  The exhilaration of setting and meeting a goal.  I know it's one of the first things you assign a client who's depressed.

But I don't want to do it.

It sucks.

You get hot and sweaty.  And no one looks good in stretchy pants.  And it takes up time.  Time I could be using to eat or wallow on the couch.

Ick.

I plan on treating myself to some new pants and tees in the hope a cute outfit will get me out the door and in the gym.

Science Proves You're Fat AND Dumb

Obese People Have 'Severe Brain Degeneration'

By LiveScience Staff

posted: 25 August 2009 09:59 am ET

A new study finds obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than normal-weight individuals. Their brains look 16 years older than the brains of lean individuals, researchers said today.

Those classified as overweight have 4 percent less brain tissue and their brains appear to have aged prematurely by 8 years.

The results, based on brain scans of 94 people in their 70s, represent "severe brain degeneration," said Paul Thompson, senior author of the study and a UCLA professor of neurology.

"That's a big loss of tissue and it depletes your cognitive reserves, putting you at much greater risk of Alzheimer's and other diseases that attack the brain," said Thompson. "But you can greatly reduce your risk for Alzheimer's, if you can eat healthily and keep your weight under control."

The findings are detailed in the online edition of the journal Human Brain Mapping.

Obesity packs many negative health effects, including increased risk of heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, hypertension and some cancers. It's also been shown to reduce sexual activity.

More than 300 million worldwide are now classified as obese, according to the World Health Organization. Another billion are overweight. The main cause, experts say: bad diet, including an increased reliance on highly processed foods.

Obese people had lost brain tissue in the frontal and temporal lobes, areas of the brain critical for planning and memory, and in the anterior cingulate gyrus (attention and executive functions), hippocampus (long-term memory) and basal ganglia (movement), the researchers said in a statement today. Overweight people showed brain loss in the basal ganglia, the corona radiata, white matter comprised of axons, and the parietal lobe (sensory lobe).

"The brains of obese people looked 16 years older than the brains of those who were lean, and in overweight people looked 8 years older," Thompson said.

Obesity is measured by body mass index (BMI), defined as the weight in kilograms divided by the square of the height in meters. A BMI over 25 is defined as overweight, and a BMI of over 30 as obese.

The research was funded by the National Institute on Aging, National Institute of Biomedical Imaging and Bioengineering, National Center for Research Resources, and the American Heart Association.

http://www.livescience.com/health/090825-obese-brain.html

PS-If you're like me you now want to go check your BMI.  Here you go.  In the interest of total disclosure, I'm 36.7 which officially makes me not overweight, but obese.

Tool Two: The Journal

Ok, so what's hard about journaling.  I love journaling.  I have a blog for Christ's sake.  I can do this.

Or, so I thought.  Turns out I'm supposed to whip out my journal when I'm hungry, when I'm eating, when I'm thinking about eating, when I'm within a hundred yards of a restaurant, or when I can so much as smell food.

I think this is going to be hard strictly because two of my three meals are eaten at work.  Breakfast is always at my desk.  And lunch is either at the breakroom table or at a restaurant with my co-workers.  I'm not sure how I can just open up my journal and begin writing about my food and feelings without my co-workers thinking I've completely lost it.  Maybe I have. 

In order to make this easier I purchased a lovely journal from Uppercase.

Isn't it just the cutest thing you've ever seen? 

Tool One: Morning Pages

So Morning Pages,

This is going to be a hard one.  Ms. Cameron is very fond of the Morning Page.  If any of you have read The Artist's Way you know what I'm talking about.

Basically, you're charged with getting up early, sitting down, and writing three pages in the morning.  Three pages of whatever comes out.  Then you must tuck those pages away and never read them.  The idea is to vomit all over the page.  To purge yourself of thoughts.  To shoot verbal diarrhea out of your mouth at such a voracious rate you can do nothing but feel better afterward.

As a future counselor, I do see the value in this.  There's a whole theory of counseling called Narrative Therapy which asks you to do the same thing.  I just don't particularly relish the whole Morning aspect of it.

My mornings are for hitting the snooze button as many times as possible, cursing because I'm running late, and sniffing my underwear to determine if it's wearable.  There's no time for mental acuity.  No time for leisurely sitting down and seeing what comes out.

I'm barely out the door.

So, this whole project really isn't getting started with a bang.  But I'll do it.  And I've already implemented some ways to make the process easier.

I've traded my bedside table for a desk.  And added a stack of paper and a pencil cup to said desk. Now all I have to do is swing my feet out of bed and lift my rump to the chair nicely placed within arm's reach.

Now if only my alarm clock could pummel me when I try to oversleep.

The Rules

Dear Internet,

I got the book and I've read the first half.  So here's my plan.  Basically there are seven tools you use each day plus 37 situations with their own tasks.  The way I've decided to do this is...I'll do the seven basic tools everyday and report in.  Then I'll tackle about 3 specific situations per month. 

I'll post a before picture, a monthly picture, and do weekly weigh-ins where I swear to be brutally honest about how much the scale reads.

This is going to be hard.  Ridiculously hard.  I get overwhelmed just thinking about having to do this for a whole freaking year.  But it needs to be done. 

So I, The Paper Doll, promise to you, the whole Internet, that I shall do this in its entirety and blog about my experience.  I shall wake up each morning and do my Morning Pages.  I shall journal when I eat and when I feel like eating.  I shall spend 20 minutes each day walking.  I'll ask myself four questions, take myself on Artist's Dates, practice HALT, and get a body buddy.   

I will commit to this plan and throw myself into it with a full heart.  I will change how I think about food and in doing so change my body.

I promise this to you, Internet.

Love Always,

The Paper Doll